Are you a perfectionist? Does everything in your life have to be “just right” before you’re happy with it?
If you’re driven to succeed you’ll want whatever you do to be the best it can be. That’s natural. But there’s a difference between striving for perceived perfection, and acceptance of being good enough.
What is perfection anyway? One person’s idea of perfection can be very different from another’s. It’s all subjective, so even if you think something you’ve done or created is perfect, someone else might not agree. That can mean that you’ve used up a huge amount of time and energy but ended up feeling like a failure (which you absolutely are not).
Putting pressure on yourself to be perfect leads to unrealistic goals, excessive stress, anxiety, and ultimately overwhelm. It keeps you stuck instead of allowing yourself to move forward and grow through learning.
Perfectionism can make it difficult for you to delegate tasks to others, whether at work or at home, for fear that no-one else will do it as well as you could. This results in you taking on too much, which is another contributor to overwhelm.
A perfectionist mindset can lead to procrastination, with things being put off because the circumstances aren’t right, or it’s the wrong time. However the “perfect” time or the “perfect” circumstances are unlikely ever to arrive. You might have a real desire to do something like writing a book, but your perfectionism prevents you from starting. It’s because your fear is trying to keep you safe by preventing you from failing. But that can leave you feeling frustrated at not fulfilling your dream, and wasting energy beating yourself up for not writing your book.
Taking imperfect action is always better than taking no action if you want to get things done.
If you’re a perfectionist, think about where that trait comes from. Were you pushed as a child to achieve high grades or sports results? Were you criticised for not matching up to your parents’ or teachers’ expectations? Were you adversely compared with siblings? Any of those things could have conditioned you into fear of failure, and feelings of not being good enough. These feelings can lead you to strive for perfection in order to avoid criticism and the possibility of failure.
You might not have had any of those experiences but still be a perfectionist. It could arise from a lack of self-esteem, comparing yourself to others and feeling that you fall short. It helps if you can find out where the perfectionism comes from, as that makes it easier to work on overcoming it.
If it comes from other people’s expectations and opinions, it’s important to remember that those opinions are not facts. They are nothing more than opinions and you don’t have to agree with them.
If it comes from your own lack of self-esteem, again these are just thoughts that you’ve created in your mind. Thoughts can always be changed.
You are good enough exactly as you are. You’re the best that anyone can be at being you. Every human being has the potential to learn and grow through experience. We are not born knowing how to do everything. We try, we make mistakes and we learn from them.
You can start to release your perfectionism by using affirmations like “I release the need to be perfect” and “I am good enough”. Write them down and put them somewhere you’ll see them often, and say them inwardly over and over again, day after day.
When you feel your perfectionist tendencies coming up, remind yourself that you are perfectly imperfect just like everyone else, and that this is completely OK.
